Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
