Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
