She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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