oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We need to get me chipped asap
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
