I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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