i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
