I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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