Non-Jews are for practice
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
