If i come over, it means nothing
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
