I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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