god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
