Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Randomize
