just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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