So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
