I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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