i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
