My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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