Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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