i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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