I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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