I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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