my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
