I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize