nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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