two words: eviction party
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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