everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
