Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
