WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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