She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize