He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
