Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
