About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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