just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
