i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
