I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
