you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's the barista slut.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
