If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
