After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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