dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
