It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He felt like a one man threesome
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize