Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
