At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
