At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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