I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
