I like my sex mixed with concussions.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
