Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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