you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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