i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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