So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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