Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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