I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
