I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
