she was so not down for the gang bang
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
