plz talk dirty to me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
