she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
