So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
