...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
