Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
