If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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