she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
