Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
