I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
