i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
