my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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