things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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