I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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