I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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