I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
